The Lost Sea Shanties
by Todd B. James
Summary: 7-23-03 Updated! C'mon in and read 'em, if ye dare, landlubbin soilstalkers!
1. The First Wave

The Lost Sea Shanties  
  
Note: I do not own Animal Crossing. Well, I own the GAME, but not the rights to the game, nor the character Kapp'n, nor still do I own his lovable shanties. Except these. Yadda yadda yadda.  
  
Yesterday, I was going to my Island, and I was struck on how friggin funny the sea shanties are. Well, his little asides between the two are really the funniest, but really, there's nothing funnier than a ex-pirate turtle ferrying a little valkyrie humanoid to a tropical island while singing about the joys of a cucumber float, now is there? Without further stalling (c'mon, inspiration, hit me!), here's the shanties. The double-stanza'd ones are first, and a few singles will probably follow, but I'll have more of both on a future update. Enjoy!  
  
"Me Pirate Days"  
  
Shiver me boots, I sure love me loots!  
  
In the sand, in me hand,  
  
Don't give two hoots.  
  
Heavy is the chest, but I be the best.  
  
Push and pull, I'm no bull,  
  
I'll leave the rest!  
  
"Love Lost"  
  
One day on me ship, I fell on me hip  
  
Cannonball, it did fall,  
  
And split my lip.  
  
The nurse was real cute, she said I be, too.  
  
Till I puke'd, she rebuke'd  
  
and said adieu.  
  
"Me Wayward Swabby"  
  
On deck I did flinch, he fell inch by inch,  
  
Overboard, what a chore!  
  
Get me the winch!  
  
He fell off again, and to my chagrin,  
  
What a cull, that seagull!  
  
Had too much gin!  
  
Those are all I can get out tonight. I'll get more posted soon! 


	2. The Second Wave

Alrighty! It looks as if there's been a discovery right off the coast of  
BooIsle, near the town of BooTown! It is another treasure chest filled  
with... MORE SEA SHANTIES!!!!!  
  
Once again, I might remind you that these discoveries are the property of  
that elusive little turtle we lovingly refer to as Kapp'n, whose name is on  
every one of these shanties. Also, the letterhead the shanties are written  
on are marked by a certain corporation named Nintendo. It seems Kapp'n was  
once an employee of this corporation. (-Disclaimer) This is another batch  
of double stanza shanties, and they seem to follow a certain theme; love,  
and loss. Interesting.  
  
One last thing before we begin. There was a little note discovered among  
the shanties, and it seems to refer to one of them, but it is unknown which  
one exactly. Here is the note, in its entirety:  
  
"Yar, this here shanty be dedicated to the little horn-head out there with  
a weird name! That little lubber's name is KoolAid, and it seems he be a  
fan! Enjoy, cuke-breath!"  
  
Whatever Kapp'n meant by that comment is unclear, but I can be sure that  
wherever KoolAid is, if he's reading, he will enjoy this discovery.  
Anyway, on with the shanties!!!  
  
Looks Like Yer Mother...  
  
There was this sweet girl,  
She shook up me world!  
Skin was fair, twirled her hair,  
when it unfurled.  
  
But, she couldn't stay fit.  
Ate all she could get!  
Didn't gloat, shook the boat,  
When she did sit!  
  
Pals  
  
I am quite sure I've seen  
just 'bout everything.  
Row and row, to and fro.  
I was reeling!  
  
When along came this lad!  
How much fun we both had!  
sang a song, t'wasn't long,  
They made him glad!  
  
Not a Pirate Anymore...  
  
I be searchin the seas  
Up and down the keys  
Seen a lot, but I got  
No more moneys!  
  
I just can't understand  
Why surf and some sand  
Gives me cash, then it dash  
Out of me hand!  
  
Me New Friend  
  
One day on the dock,  
I got me a shock.  
T'was a pig, with a kid,  
New on the block.  
  
Said 'is name was KoolAid,  
'Is eyes shone like Jade!  
And while we crossed the sea,  
Friends we were made!*  
  
Green Eyed Monster  
  
When I guided me ship,  
'Fore I broke me hip,  
I'd a great, fine first mate,  
Dumb as a chip!  
  
At the first sign of land,  
I lost that deck hand!  
He had told, he'd found gold,  
He just found sand!  
  
Green Tongued Monster  
  
I once had a good man,  
He was named Conan.  
When he sailed, never ailed,  
Just kept goin'.  
  
Till one day I was sure,  
Empty me crates were!  
Went below, he did stow  
Me cucumbers!  
  
Me New Friend, pt 2  
  
One day I did row  
Me new friend to shore  
Of the isle, he had guile  
That bungalow.  
  
His elephant friend,  
Also his bro went.  
When they seen Ghosts real mean  
Fled the island!**  
  
Me Cracked Shell  
  
I was playin some ball  
With my good friend Paul  
When he threw a corkscrew,  
Hit like a wall.  
  
I never even whirled,  
But me cukes did curl,  
When he told, learned to throw  
From a Squirrel!  
  
Well, wasn't that special? I can almost taste the sea mist already! Or  
maybe that's my dog shaking himself. Anyway, I think we can all agree on  
the fact that those were a good bunch! I hope that the next wave will be  
just as good! I'll be seeing you! I'm off to the briny sea once more,  
looking for another buried treasure! Keep reading!  
  
*Ok, so it wasn't so unclear which shanty referred to KoolAid. So what? I  
wanted a little mystery thrown in with things! It's a tough job just  
transcripting these little two-stanza poems about cucumbers and fat girls  
all day, all the while your creative juices dry up faster than rain on a  
hotplate in Death Valley! Besides, my little deception DID make you pay  
closer attention to the wordage and the shuffle of the shanties themselves,  
didn't it? Gee golly, I can't believe you're still reading this slop! Well,  
if you're misguided enough to come this far, then you'll not hesitate to  
read this, too! And this! And this! This too! Ok, that's fine. You can stop  
reading now. Go right ahead and stop. Too much time reading a bright white  
screen can cause eye strain, y'know! STOP IT!!! I'm gonna cry if you don't!  
Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Waaaaahhaaaaaahhaaaa! Cripes. You're still here. Ok,  
Let's see if you can stand the silent treatment! Ha! I beat you!  
  
**Crap, I didn't beat you. Yes, this one was also very clear as to whom it  
referred to. So sue me! Look, I'm not gonna do this again. I'm just gonna  
give you the silent treatment again. See? Darn, gotta stop talking. Shut  
up, me! Jeez, can't even follow my own orders. See what writing does to  
you, kids? 


	3. The Third Wave

Yeeehaw! Howdy pardners! This here set o' shanties, for some odd reason,  
were all based on a wild-west theme! Our crack team of linguists and  
culturists have taken many a fine-toothed look over these, and as of yet  
have not detected their inherent meaning. Perhaps they mostly refer to a  
villager from the land of Durango, named Curtis. In all actuality, it would  
be erroneous to assume otherwise, as a note from the Kapp'n himself was  
included in this batch. The note is as follows.  
  
Dear Curtis: As I've said many a time before, lad, I'll say it again, fer  
'tis not a truer word spoken 'bout ye than this; I like the cut o' yer jib!  
Keep workin' out, though lad; the ladies love a man with stone fer arms and  
gold fer a heart! Oh, and I admire yer humble abode! I fancied a western  
life once, if I were nothin' better than an old sea dog! Keep yer head  
outta the clouds, Curtis!  
  
Apparently, a few select villagers from many wide-reaching towns have made  
quite an impression on the old wordsmith, and it would seem to be a pattern  
emerging: every villager Kapp'n has taken a shine to was a human villager!  
Coincidence? Probably. In either case, here's the western shanties. Get  
along, little turtles!  
  
"Cows"  
  
When I was a lad,  
A dream nightly had  
Was when I touched the sky  
And was real glad!  
  
The wide-open plains  
Filled me with disdain  
Stepped did I in cow-pies  
What a big pain!  
  
"Wagons"  
  
I almost lost me poor head  
When rolled out of bed  
Wagon-wheel, it was real  
Painted bright red!  
  
It appeared out of air!  
Underneath my chair!  
Whaddya know, Durango,  
It was from there!  
  
"Tumbleweeds"  
  
When I pillaged a land,  
I sat in the sand.  
It did hurt, the desert,  
It burned me hand!  
  
But I was froze still,  
Almost lost me gills,  
When I seed tumbleweeds!  
Gave me a chill!  
  
"Cacti"  
  
Had that dern dream again,  
I twirled and I spinned.  
I rolled off, and did cough,  
Knocked out me wind!  
  
The last thing that I saw  
'Fore I broke me jaw  
I did spy some cacti  
Rubbed me skin raw!  
  
"Thirst"  
  
My last dream, I confess,  
About the old west  
Shook and screamed, it twas mean,  
Far from the best!  
  
I was crawling real slow,  
No water, you know.  
Then I heard a buzzard  
My, how they grow!  
  
Well, hey and howdy, folks! That there was the rootinest, tootinest, most  
yee-hawinest group of poetries I've ever seen! Why, such well-rounded prose  
ain't been scribbled on a cocktail napkin since Poe's laundry list! Yep,  
I'll tell ya one thing, them there be the most... Hey, why are y'all  
lookin' at me like that? You don't believe that these are the greatest  
most... What?!? You think that Kapp'n didn't write these?!? Why of all  
the... ahem. How did that get there? Well, yes that's my signature, but...  
OK! OK! I confess! None of these shanties were written by Kapp'n! I admit  
it! All of these western themed shanties were written by me, the lowly  
diver and shanty discoverer extrordinaire! I just wanted to express myself,  
and danged if the last few weeks haven't played hell on my exploration  
talents! Why, the only thing I've discovered since the last batch of  
shanties was that cursed note to Curtis! I just thought that Kapp'n might  
have written something like these if he were to follow up on his  
appreciation of Curtis' house, that's all! Sheesh. Alright, back to the  
cold, hard, briny sea, to once more TRY to uncover more of these  
entertaining and increasingly RARE shanties you all seem to take for  
granted!! Harumph!!!  
  
Btw, Curtis is my character's name in my town of Durango in my game.  
Whoever cares about that trivia can write about it! In a review! [/hint] 


End file.
